Haikus

I love to write Haikus. I just think they’re hilarious - short and sweet and witty. Ever since college I’ve always loved writing haikus as a sort of narration of the funny events in my life and in the lives of my closest community. So, my time in Haiti has been no different. Here are a few stories – and the Haikus that they inspired – that I’ve written and posted on the wall in the past three months …

1. I had this weird looking bug bite on my hand that turned out to be a chigger. Gross. Has anyone ever had chiggers? I guess they’re pretty common in warm climates, even in the south of the United States. They’re these little bugs that literally live under your skin and keep burrowing until they die. The best way to kill them is to put nail polish over the little trail of bites to suffocate the little bastards. After a few weeks of wondering what the hell it was, I tried the nail polish trick, and it worked. But before it was all gone, I composed the following haiku to the Chigger I named Pepe:
A Chigger Haiku:
Dear Pepe, Please will
You stop burrowing under
My skin. Thank you. Bye!

2. Then there was the runaway cow. I mentioned that the school purchases a cow for slaughter about twice a month. Well, this past Friday, he got loose from the place he was tied up on the soccer field. First I saw him running around while the little neighborhood kids played soccer around him. Then they caught him by the rope around his neck and retied him. I, needless to say really, was terrified as this fairly large bull ran around among about 20 small children. They were utterly unbothered. Then later that night – it was a Friday, so the students were gone – as some staff members played a campus wide game of hide and seek, suddenly we saw this huge shape emerge from the soccer field (which has a door, mind you.) Sure enough, the bef was loose again! This time he started running all around the whole campus. And he ran quite a bit faster than I was really comfortable with. A few people tried to catch him – by the tail, by the rope, but nobody could. Finally we just ushered him back to the soccer field and closed the door tightly. You’ll all be glad to know that the cow in question then punished us by crapping ALL OVER the soccer field and playground. But we got the last laugh because we ate him for lunch on Monday.
A Runaway Cow Haiku
Um … guys, where’s the bef?
Holy crap he’s after us!
I’m not scared … are you?

3. Have I mentioned the mosquitos in this place? Ugh. I hate them. Anything that contributes to the death of mosquitos is my friend – even the horrible smelling insecticides we spray all over the place. But the best mosquito killers of all are the little lizards – geccos actually - who crawl around the walls, chirping quietly as they eat the mosquitos for lunch. One night as I watched this joyful ritual, I composed the following haiku:
A love poem
Little lizard friend,
You crawl around eating bugs.
I think I love you.

4. Way back in August, I played one of my favorite community games. I wrote the first two lines of a haiku and left the last line open for people to complete. It was after we had our first experience with Haitian mangos, and with the different methods which Haitians and US Americans use to enjoy the mangoes. Here’s the community Haiku that emerged:
A Mango Haiku
How to eat mangos?
With a knife or with your teeth?
• Both ways require floss.
• Knife? The Haitians glare
• Your face is sticky
• Better have a plan
• Haitians have more fun
• Either or, it’s a chore
• Knife? Here Bolito … Bolito is one of the many dogs who roams this place begging for food and licking himself constantly. No one really likes Bolito.